I wish...

...that it were raining. So i can talk to you. To know that you are ok that you are fine. IN my self-fishness, I want to assure myself that I have not done you any harm so that I can be free of guilt. The same self-fishness makes me want to call you back. Because you suddenly seem so distant away. But I shut myself up. Why? Because I do not have the right to do so. Because I was the one who kept on running away from the rain. I ran without concern for how you felt. Now that you are so far away, I want you back. You are lost and don't know what to say. I on the other hand know full well that I am in no position to say anything. That its best I shut up and stop making a fool of myself. I always tell you not to feel guilty for nothing. And now, I guess i am suffering from the same mistake. It feels so strange not to hear from you. The way you once and only once replied. You sounded so normal I didn't know if you were fine. And each time this happens I tell myself that with time, it will be ok and we will be back as before. But in the back of my mind, I know that if i carry on with such an attitude, someday......Please please remember that silence only keeps people in the same spot. Keeps one guessing and thinking of the worst. And that there is nothing communication cannot solve. But I guess wong is correct. Its not that you do not want to say anything. But that you do not know what to say. I don't believe that I have to resort to talking to you through this pathetic little blog entries. But if you feel better this way, I will just say a simple Okay.
Gosh. How pathetic to have to say all this through my blogs. Its so embarassing.